Turn frustrations into learning opportunities
- Frustration: That state of mind that says, I don't want to be here, doing this today, I want to be doing something else.
- Frustration: When nothing seems to go right, and the harder you try, the worse the frustration gets.
- Frustration: When you're in a hurry, but all the lights are on red when you get there, there are roadworks and someone's pranged the car in front.
It's a fascinating place to be - in frustration.
Frustration is a place where you can see the problem and nothing else.
So how do you leave the state of frustration?
Well you put your mind into the correct gear and you change direction - immediately.
Which is easier said than done, I know, I've been to frustration many times.
So lets break it down a little further.
Acknowledge what is frustrating you. If it's something like being stuck in traffic and you can't do anything about it, then what is the point of being frustrated? Yes you could have perhaps gone a different way or left a little earlier - but you know what - you didn't, so sit back and enjoy the ride, because you are going to be there a little while longer. Crank up your favourite radio station or better still an audio program and use the time to constructively, with the added bonus you lower your blood pressure at the same time.
Of course you could argue that you are on your way to a meeting, in another country and you've got a plane to catch. Dealing with this kind of situation is relatively easy - telephone the client and advise them you are going to be late and you apologise for the delay and inconvenience (the beauty of mobile phones). And if you are lucky, you get the people back at the office to do a quick re-work of your plane tickets. Or acknowledge the fact that you are going to have to work something out when you get to the airport yourself. Remember you will get back what you give out, so don't take your frustration out on the airport staff - it's not their fault you're late.
I look at things like red lights as a way of teaching myself patience and planning. I keep a notebook with me, so I can use the time to make notes. I make a note of time and day and if the same pattern is repeated, then I can change my route for the next time. In my case, Thursday is a particularly bad day for traffic on the way home, so I go home a different way on that day now. It could be because of late night shopping, it could be - anything, I decided I just didn't want to sit in traffic on a Thursday night, so I did something about it.
And then there is the frustration that you are not where you really want to be, or doing what you would really like to do.
If this is a regular state of mind for you, then i would suggest taking a good look at where you are and what you are doing when you feel the sense of frustration coming on. Patterns of behaviour give you the chance to change....if you want to.
Once you have isolated the frustration - then you can decide and determine what you are going to do about it. If you can change it, but don't - you need to ask why you are not willing to change? You need to ask what it is you are not acknowledging or what problem you are happy to live with. Because without asking these kinds of questions you will never get to the root cause and you will always be frustrated with where you are in your life at the moment.
And if you can change it and do, remember that sometimes the path to smoother times can be a little bumpy at the beginning, so don't get frustrated if you slip a little along the way.
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"Cultivate only the habits that you are willing should master you" Elbert Hubbard
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March 11, 2008 at 18:25
Reader Comments (2)
Thank you once again for your doses of wisdom. They help me tremendously.
Today's topic on frustration has sparked a question with respect to myself - and maybe others?
I have a very bad tendency - to procrastinate. But it is not a normal type... if procrastination can be in anyway normal.
I tend to let things pile up - many times it appears on purpose.
When crunch time hits - I knuckle down and complete a great many things.
In that completion I feel a sense of great accomplishment and pride in a job well done.
My question: Why the heck do I pile things up, and in doing so consistently beat myself over tasks uncompleted 9 times out of 10 nights and the 1 day I actually do something give myself (mental) high fives and back pats?
What is wrong with me????
Why would I not want to experience the high fives and back pats everyday?
Can you help by shedding some light to this senseless behaviour of mine?
With greatest respect
Asma.
Thank you for your very interesting comments and questions regarding why you allow things to pile up before completing things.
In my opinion, your subconscious mind like the rewards and payoffs of completing many things quickly. Your mind has gotten used to the highs of the adrenaline rush that being late brings, and the "higher" state when you have averted a crisis. And because you averted the crisis, your mind takes that on board and tells itself that it works better under pressure.
Believe me you are not alone in this phenomena. A colleague likes to tell how often they have stayed late, often til the early hours of a morning so they can finish something. When in reality they've been at work all day but have filled their hours doing "stuff". Busy work that does not need doing. They enjoy the "sympathy" when they tell how tired they are because.....
Another reader tells that they are so busy with working in their business (admin is a great way of filling time), they don't have time to do anything else. Well - those people who own their own business yet fail to work on their own business may soon find they don't have a business to own and run.
These are all variations of the same thing. I think people like to procrastinate because of the subtle payoffs they get as a result. In your case, the high fives and slaps on the back for averting a crisis. My colleague for the sympathy and the other reader for not being able to do everything during the day, they just don't have the time to do anything else...."poor me" or "sympathy" vote again.
So, if you want to get more done, it may be a case of working out the payoffs you get and then working on finding alternative more healthier options to reward yourself.
Kind Regards
Elle