Eliminating doubt

Doubt is one of the major destructive forces we face when we don't believe in ourselves and our goals.

But where does doubt originate?

Believe it or not, we weren't born with the ability to doubt ourselves, we learned the behaviour from those people around us. As babies we knew that we would be cared for. OK maybe we didn't KNOW but we learned pretty quickly if we let the big people around us know we were hungry or had belly ache, they would do something about it. As we began to waddle around on shaky legs, we didn't doubt that one day we would stand up straight and be able to walk around like the big people we craned upwards to see. When you are faced with a see of legs did you doubt they wouldn't be able to see you and knock you over. Of course not, we just learned to negotiate the legs and so what if we landed on our well padded rear ends. I'm sure that's why we wore nappies in those early days, so it wouldn't hurt when we fell over. And I'm sure we all fell over enough times. But did we doubt ourselves. Did we decide that we were not going to be able to walk, so we gave up? Of course not, we put our chubby fists on to the floor, and we pushed off the ground - time and time again. There was never any doubt in our minds, was there.

So what happened then?

Unfortunately those well meaning big people kept telling us to be careful. Don't do that, you'll put someone'e eye out. Our teachers told us that we didn't do as well as perhaps we should. My son who was in grade 2 at the time, got 17 out of 18 on a test. But rather than praising him, the teacher wrote "what a pity". I spent many hours on the telephone to the school trying to point out that the teachers words had destroyed his self-confidence. In fact 6 years on, he still remembers those words and others like them uttered by a woman in the wrong job.

We lose confidence in ourselves, we keep hearing the same things over and over again. You'll never amount to anything. You don't have your sister's brains. You'll never be thin and pretty like...., what are you doing that for? Why do you want to go to university, no-one in our family has ever gone to university before, who do you think you are.

Doubt. I can almost guarantee that as I have written these words to you, you are re-living every hateful word ever spoken to you, aren't you?

The question is, how can we get over these nasty, doubt causing words?

Well i would love to say that it was easy, you just think positive things and all will be well in your world. How good would that be?

OK, so if thinking positive things isn't going to work, then what is?

Now don't get me wrong, thinking positive things can help, but it cannot work on its own. What is missing is perspective, and the knowledge that it is just one person's opinion. Rarely are snide comments based on fact.

How many times did you in fact put someone's eye out?

Yes you went home with your pockets full of mud and your knees scraped, but so what. You had a great time, and you lived to tell the tale didn't you.

We need perspective that says. OK the last test wasn't great, but the teacher really didn't explain the subject matter all that well. And the test before that I scored well. So if I ask the teacher what he meant, I can perhaps understand it better. Or maybe there is a different book I can read that explains it differently. I know I don't always learn well by just listening to someone drone on and on and on about a subject.

Perspective that says I feel good about who I am, and someone paid me a compliment yesterday.

Perspective that says I did a damn good job on the Atkins report and the boss thanked me for it.

Perspective that says, you know what, I can do these things if I try. OK I've never ...... before, but that doesn't mean to say I can't learn, or find someone who can show me.

Put your life back into perspective and you will begin to eradicate the doubt. And once you have silenced the doubt, then you will be able to make huge changes to the way your life turns out.

With many thoughts

Elle

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