Motivation and Creativity: Sometimes I wish I were normal

I wish I could be satisfied with living a normal, mundane life. Getting up, going to work, coming home, making dinner, watching some TV and heading to bed...with copious amounts of cleaning done on a weekend...maybe catch up with friends and go to a movie. You know, "normal".

But I'm not "normal". I have a constant restless energy that makes me strive for things. I set myself some ridiculously hard personal goals / targets and then rush like crazy to fulfil them. Sometimes I wear myself out trying to get there, and sometimes I throw my hands up in despair and tell myself that I am not good enough. Then i have this massive guilt trip happening. I wonder what is in my psyche that doesn't allow me to rest, to switch off, I wonder why I need to be constantly stiving, burning the candle at both ends.

And then there is acceptance of who and what I am. Few people understand me, as in truly and honestly understand me, and even fewer would give a damn if I leave this place and head to the celestial realm. They might be interested, as in - oh well what did she .... off? Shame! Or maybe I am just sensitive today.... My restless energy that says, it's a bank holiday - what are you doing sitting at a computer when there is x, y and z to do, places to go, people to meet, things to talk about. But I need to be here, I have a couple of hours of solid work ahead of me. I need to get this training program finished, so it can be put into the next phase of the rollout of MotivateMe! So I suppose I had better compartmentalise my mind and soul, file away the restless part of me, and get stuck into the work that needs to be done.

I'll catch you later, on the other side of my "normal" working day. 

Comments

[Lee]

Hi Elle,
I love your website and enjoy reading your blogs.
They really do motivate me.
In your blog you ask: "I wonder what is in my psyche that doesn't allow me to rest, to switch off, I wonder why I need to be constantly stiving..."

I used to ask myself the same question, have the similar internal dialogues that you have in your blogs, also about procrastination. About a year ago I got my answer: ADHD. The diagnosis delivered the explanation I was looking for. Unfortunately the "peace of mind" which came with the answer didn't make my mind any more "peaceful"
:-) it still revs up and charges around when it's not supposed to

I don't think its appropriate for me to suggest anything in the way of medical advice, but I feel I had to write to you because I wish someone had mentioned ADHD to me years ago.
It is somewhat easier to live with your brain when you know "why" it is the way it is and that actually, it is quite "normal" afterall, at least for all of us who have this brainstyle.

Best to you Elle!
Lee

[Elle]

Hi Lee
Yes someone else has mentioned ADD, ADHD and other types of disorder...I just accept that being a "creative" creates its own set of "problems" and issues and that's just me.

Cheers

Elle

[hey elle]

i reallly need to study but im jus not motivated to open the book and study, continuously for even 1 hr, can u help me or gimme some advice??