How to motivate teenagers
When it comes to motivating others, especially teenage children, there is not a “one-size fits all” strategy. In fact, motivating teenagers can be likened to pushing water uphill.
If you have ever struggled with procrastination and a lack of motivation yourself then you will appreciate that what works for you one day, may not work another. And so it is with kids, especially teenagers. I should know I have two, one girl and one boy. They are a mass of raging hormones and under immense peer pressure. Add new schools to the mix, lots of new people to interact with, new classes to master, homework to complete, along with the social scene and you have the potential for disaster if not handled with tact and diplomacy.
Establish the ground rules early on:
As my children were growing up, certain rules were put into place. Homework was completed before computer time, or outside playtime was allowed. Bed times were non-negotiable as were showers and teeth cleaning routines.
As the children have grown up, additional chores and duties were added to the mix. As they grew in stature it was important to allow them to grow in maturity too.
However, this latter group of tasks are now linked to monetary incentives. If all chores are done, then pocket money is allocated, with a sliding scale of reduction based on the number of chores not completed. However, this was pre-agreed with the children setting their own KPI’s.
In allocating their money though, there is one major strategy that was explained and the children now insist upon. Part proceeds of their pocket money is withheld for savings. This too was agreed upon in the early stages. If you explain the importance of saving 10% of everything they receive, and saving another 10% for capital purchases (houses and cars) they will never struggle financially later on in life.
Neither of my two children has yet to get a weekend job, but when that does happen, the next set of rules will apply. But the initial ones will remain. Keep 80% for whatever they want to spend their money on and save 20%. Chores are done; homework is completed all before MSN, Television and “play time”.
What happens when it goes wrong?
1. Go back to the pre-agreed rules and ask if there needs to be any changes made to the agreement.
2. In my case, as a single mother who works full time I cannot hope to keep house, cook, clean and do everything, and nor should I be expected to. They make more mess than I do, and they are expected to clean up after themselves.
There have been set backs, there have been disagreements, but in the main, the children know that standards are expected at home, and the reason why is important – sooner or later they will get jobs, and they will be performance based. In today’s work choices climate, if you don’t perform you are out.
Do not deal in double standards:
1. However, what has really worked the most, is the fact that I do not and have never dealt in double standards.
2. I lead by example. I cannot expect the children to clean their rooms if mine looks like the roof has caved in. I have my own set of chores and homework tasks that I have to complete before I get to “play” – for me, reading is my main pleasure, so I do not sit and read if there is work to be done.
1. Establish pre-agreed ground rules
2. Make it incentive based
3. Do not deal in double standards
Compare my two with the children next door. We all like to compare our children with those around us. Well my neighbour’s children are not known for cleanliness (of themselves or their house and yard). The mother is both a smoker and a woman of colourful language and wide girth. Consequently the children also use very colourful language and are fat to the point of obesity. One child at the age of 14 is also a smoker and has a regular boyfriend who stays over. They do not have set bed times, are not expected to complete their homework, and appear to have every excuse known to man, woman or beast for why they shouldn’t go to school today.
They are also regular visitors to my property and will come and talk to us when we happen to be outside, which is quite often given the fact that it is summer and my garden is being remodelled.
They don’t like it when I start to ask questions about non-attendance at school, or whether they have done their homework or not. They are also amazed when I explain to them that mine are inside at 9.30pm having had showers and are getting ready for sleep.
Kids who are bored will find all sorts of things to do, and most of the time it’s not constructive. So get them involved and the earlier the better. If they can see the benefits, they will do the work.
MMO1
February 28, 2007 at 14:03
Reader Comments (5)
I am willing to take any suggestions, I have good communitcation with most of his teachers and we are all at a loss as to how to motivate him to reach his full potential
Thanks
i really think that i am going to be able to complete all of my homeworks that are assigned before the day they are due in rather than doing it on the day before which can be very stressing to be honest!
i shall now limit my homeworks per day and the time they shall be completed
next topic: housechores!
welll yes they are the similiar rules so not much i can say about that now
now searching for exmas tips :)
Elle