A Change of mindset

I have been "under height" for my weight most of my adult life. The problem is of course, I would have to be 6'2" for it to work. My choice, no-one forced me to eat anything. Everything I ate and drank, I did because I wanted to. I didn't have a medical condition that meant that I couldn't process the stuff properly. I wasn't genetically predisposed to being overweight - I just was.

The start of 2006 I decided enough was enough. I changed gym's - yes I had been an active member of a large multi-national organisation for a couple of years. Well when I say "active" I used to go 3-4 times a week just like "they" say you should. Unfortunately what "they" don't say is - you actually need to raise your heart rate for most (if not all of that time) for it to make any difference.  You need to sweat and you need to work hard and persevere. Unfortunately the gym I chose to frequent didn't monitor your progress - far too many people I suppose. I was a faceless figure in a pair of daggy sweat pants doing just enough to burn off the food I consumed. Which suited them down to the ground. To them I was the perfect gym go-er, pay your money, turn up or not, they didn't care one way or the other. But what really p***** me off was, that after two years they still didn't know my name. So when I went in to cancel my membership they had to ask me who I was so they could find me on their system.

One of the first things I liked when I went to the new gym was the simple fact that the personal trainers, and the owner knew everyone. Which was one of the reasons I paid for the entire year up front. But what really made the decision easy was the fact that the new gym makes you accountable for your actions. They give you a program and they expect you to do it. Don't do the work, they know. Not only are they wandering around the gym all day checking to make sure you're not damaging yourself, but they monitor your progress. Every 24 sessions they chart your commitment to yourself.

But for me, the important part of setting my first goals, were not directly related to my size or my weighty problem. My first goal, and the single driving force behind my decision to change was - I wanted to feel good in my own skin. I wanted the outer part of me, that part of me that is judged by family, friend and passerby to be a true reflection of the person on the inside. The trouble is, after years of putting myself down, and telling myself that I wasn't good enough, finding that person I used to be was going to be hard.

My first assessment came around far too soon - had I done enough? Was I going to fail the test?