The Power of Choice and Fear

I first wrote this back in 2006 and it was to be part of a book entitled "The Power of Choice". I do believe we have the power of choice over many situations and Fear is one of those things we need to look at if we are to overcome the procrastination habit.

Fear: What are you truly afraid of?

“The minute you start talking about what you’re going to do if you lose, you have lost”
George Shultz

Note: Fear is:

• A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
• A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in fear. A feeling of disquiet or apprehension: a fear of looking foolish.
• Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power.
• A reason for dread or apprehension: Being alone is my greatest fear.

www.dictionary.com

It is interesting to note that most people will admit to having a phobia – “I’m afraid of heights”; “I really dislike snakes”; “I don’t like speaking in public”, but will not admit that they delay doing things because they are afraid of either doing the task, or what will happen when they do.
 
Note: A phobia is:

• A persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid it, despite the awareness and reassurance that it is not dangerous. 
• A strong fear, dislike, or aversion.

www.dictionary.com

Fear keeps up doing the same things over and over again. We repeat patterns of behaviour, because we are afraid of what will happen if we don’t. Repeated patterns of behaviour means we react in exactly the same way to the same kind of stimuli.

Are you afraid of failure?

Those people who are afraid of failure are those people who rarely try anything new. If they don’t start a project they can’t fail can they?

Are you afraid of success?

Those people who are afraid of success are likely to sabotage their own efforts, or allow their efforts to be sabotaged. Or they give up half way through. How many people have been on a diet? How many times have people said to you “oh go on, it’s only a small piece!” and you have been persuaded to take something that you didn’t want.

Are you afraid of change?

The reason why a lot of people fear success is because it usually means considerable change, and not just for you. And the ones that fear the changes the most are those people who profess to love and care for us:

“What are you doing that for?”
“I like you just the way you are”.

You see, fear based comments do not have to be an outright attack, sometimes subtle comments repeated often enough are all it takes for someone to stop you right in your tracks. The point is they don’t want you to change, they are happy with the status quo. They fear that they will lose their “hold” over you and their place in their version of the perceived hierarchy.

Yes – they fear you, and the power that positive change will have over you. So they will do everything in their power to sabotage your efforts. Of course they may not do this deliberately; a lot of what we say and do is habitual.

But this is also important for you too. Trying to make too many changes all at once can be overwhelming and it becomes easy to slip back into the old way of doing things. Then those people who have been telling you all along that you are no good – will now be able to say – I told you so. You are hopeless, you can never finish anything.” They will move from being fearful to dominant – and you may find it extremely difficult to start all over again. Because you may feel that you have “failed”.

If you encounter this kind of behaviour on a daily basis – and loved ones are prime candidates. You may have even unknowingly done this yourself. You should avoid telling them your grand plans. Make small but subtle changes, so that they are not shocked by the “new you”.

The point is, if we are to break free from the fear of success and failure, we have to change poor habits for better ones. And as you probably know, this can and does take time. If you have ever tried to lose weight, you will know that you can’t lose more than a pound or two a week, and keep it off, no matter how much you may try.

It has taken time to reach the point you are at now, so small but measurable steps are important, and that goes for everything you want to do.

Change is not easy. It is far simpler to do the same thing today as you did yesterday. It is easier to do enough just to get by, to not challenge your day, your thinking.

Whilst some habits are useful to have – and means you really don't have to think about getting ready for work or university, getting into the car and driving there. Most people stay on automatic for their entire lives.

Are you simply doing enough just to get by. Do you notice the ever changing landscape, or the laugh lines that are getting deeper, or hair that is getting greyer?

Take a good look around at those people you see on a regular basis.

• Do they eat the same food?
• Do they eat the same food on the same day of the week? (If it's Tuesday it’s got to be fish and chips).
• Do they wear the same kind of clothes?
• Do they go to same shops at the same time each day of the week?
• Catch the same bus; speak to the same people about the same kind of thing?
• Do they read the same books and watch the same kind of television programs?

Does this sound like you?

We all have habits, and as discussed before, some of them can be beneficial. However, there are some habits that can and do hold you back from achieving everything that you want to do, see and achieve.
Are you happy in your habits? Are they like a comfortable pair of slippers you wear and are afraid to throw away? Or are you not unhappy enough to change any of them? Do they serve your current needs and requirements?

The good thing about some habits is you don’t have to think too deeply about them. It allows us to listen to the radio whilst we are driving. Or iron our clothes whilst watching the television. We run on auto pilot, and only jolt ourselves when we hit a patch of turbulence. But we know that things will even themselves out again and we will be able to get back to coasting through our lives.

Now, imagine that every day you are given a blank canvas on which to work. For some people they haul out the same one, and re-paint the same lines. It's easier you see. They may change one or two colours - but day after day, they paint the same picture.
Can you imagine getting to the end of your life and having to walk down a corridor with your daily paintings hanging on the walls? How scary would it be to see the same thing? Row upon row of the same picture, an endless stream of monotony, interspersed occasionally with the odd picture that stands out, a day that was “special” in some way.
 
You pause for a moment, to reflect, but then as you return to the walk down the corridor the paintings return to the same themes over and over again. You try to go back to the special picture you saw earlier, but it’s no longer there, just like a day that has been wasted. Once the time has been spent you cannot get it back again. So you are forced to keep walking, past pictures that all look the same.

Now imagine what it would be like to walk down a corridor where the walls are lined with vibrancy. You would walk quickly towards the next one, to see what new and exciting things you had done. You would smile, you would frown, and you would remember the happy times, the sad times, and the days of pure bliss. Each day the painting is filled with something different.

The question is what would your paintings look like? Would they be filled with the same kinds of images day after day, or would your pictures be filled with lots of different things and memories?

Isn’t it time you painted a different picture every day?

Are you afraid of truly living?

The final fear that most people have to suffer is that of truly living. We are afraid to take chances, usually because of what we feel other people might say and think about us, so we run around in ever decreasing circles, trying to make everyone around us happy, whilst at the same time, never making any time to find out what we ourselves truly want, or want to achieve.

Of course there will be people that we all know who always put themselves before anyone and everyone else. That is not the kind of person I am advocating that we become. In order for us to really start to live the lives we were meant to live, we have to embrace change, we have to want to live each and every moment that has been allotted to us and in order to do this, we need to choose success over the failure of not trying. We need to choose success over the traditional thinking that says, I’ll do it tomorrow. We need to choose success over the habits that have held us back. We need to choose to truly live and not mere existence.

What would you do if you knew you could never fail?
And would it really matter if you did?