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<!--Generated by Squarespace Site Server v5.0.0 (http://www.squarespace.com/) on Sat, 11 Oct 2008 07:43:51 GMT--><rdf:RDF xmlns:rdf="http://www.w3.org/1999/02/22-rdf-syntax-ns#" xmlns:rss="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:admin="http://webns.net/mvcb/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:cc="http://web.resource.org/cc/"><rss:channel rdf:about="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/"><rss:title>You call that funny?</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/</rss:link><rss:description></rss:description><dc:language>en-GB</dc:language><dc:date>2008-10-11T07:43:51Z</dc:date><admin:generatorAgent rdf:resource="http://www.squarespace.com/">Squarespace Site Server v5.0.0 (http://www.squarespace.com/)</admin:generatorAgent><rss:items><rdf:Seq><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/2007/12/18/the-wit-of-stephen-wright.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/2007/12/4/catawauling-wake-up-call.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/2007/11/11/genuine-complaint-to-edinburgh-police.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/theres-nowt-as-queer-as-folk.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/astonished-me-never.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/2007/8/27/quote-of-the-week.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/i-wish.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/nostalgia-isnt-what-it-used-to-be.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/tongue-in-cheek-perhaps.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/a-word-from-the-governator.html"/></rdf:Seq></rss:items></rss:channel><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/2007/12/18/the-wit-of-stephen-wright.html"><rss:title>The wit of stephen wright</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/2007/12/18/the-wit-of-stephen-wright.html</rss:link><dc:creator>Elle</dc:creator><dc:date>2007-12-18T01:19:08Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, &quot;Where's the self-help section?&quot; She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/2007/12/4/catawauling-wake-up-call.html"><rss:title>Catawauling wake up call</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/2007/12/4/catawauling-wake-up-call.html</rss:link><dc:creator>Elle</dc:creator><dc:date>2007-12-04T02:10:53Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.motivateme.info/storage/wake-up.wmv">Feed me, feed me now....</a></p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/2007/11/11/genuine-complaint-to-edinburgh-police.html"><rss:title>Genuine complaint to Edinburgh Police</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/2007/11/11/genuine-complaint-to-edinburgh-police.html</rss:link><dc:creator>Elle</dc:creator><dc:date>2007-11-11T05:05:38Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: tahoma"><u>Anonymous correspondence from a member of the public</u></span><font face="Tahoma" size="2"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: tahoma">:<br /><br /><br />Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service<br /><br />Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouji board.<br /><br />As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring sytem works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.<br /><br />The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on its side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortuneatly they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.<br /><br />What I suggest is this. after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no ther purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.<br /><br />I trust that when I take a clawhammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.<br /><br />I remain sir, your obedient servant<br />?????????<br /><br />*****************************************8<br /><br />Mr ??????,<br /><br />I have read your e-mail and understand you frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.<br /><br />As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.<br /><br />Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.<br /><br />Regards<br /><br />PC ???<br />?????????????<br />Community Beat Officer<br /><br />*****************************<br /><br /><br />Dear PC ?????<br /><br />First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.<br /><br />Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has it's own community beat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills. In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5.<br /><br />Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these twats that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere. The pitch behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Albert Dock.<br /><br />Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on ??? ????. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar.<br /><br />Regards<br />???????<br /><br />P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the cleansing department</span></font>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/theres-nowt-as-queer-as-folk.html"><rss:title>There's nowt as queer as folk</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/theres-nowt-as-queer-as-folk.html</rss:link><dc:creator>Elle</dc:creator><dc:date>2007-10-04T07:48:50Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>When you stop and think about it - most people don't</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/astonished-me-never.html"><rss:title>Astonished me? never !</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/astonished-me-never.html</rss:link><dc:creator>Elle</dc:creator><dc:date>2007-09-25T01:05:50Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-float-none"><img style="width: 480px; height: 640px" alt="DSCF1073a.jpg" src="http://www.motivateme.info/storage/DSCF1073a.jpg" /></span></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Written on the board outside Cino's - King St, Perth</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/2007/8/27/quote-of-the-week.html"><rss:title>Quote of the week</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/2007/8/27/quote-of-the-week.html</rss:link><dc:creator>Elle</dc:creator><dc:date>2007-08-27T03:14:26Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><tt>Everything is so much better, now that the people in my head have<br />started to work together...</tt></p><p><tt>anon</tt></p><p><tt></tt></p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/i-wish.html"><rss:title>I wish</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/i-wish.html</rss:link><dc:creator>Elle</dc:creator><dc:date>2007-08-27T03:11:35Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-float-left"><img style="width: 420px; height: 279px" alt="esc%20-%20I%20wish.jpg" src="http://www.motivateme.info/storage/esc%20-%20I%20wish.jpg" /></span></p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/nostalgia-isnt-what-it-used-to-be.html"><rss:title>Nostalgia isn't what it used to be</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/nostalgia-isnt-what-it-used-to-be.html</rss:link><dc:creator>Elle</dc:creator><dc:date>2007-08-17T13:58:56Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>for a minute, forget everything stressful and read this...............</p><p>Close your eyes and go back in time...Before the Internet..<br />Before semi-automatics, joyriders and crack....<br />Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...<br />Way back........<br />I'm talking about Hide and Seek in the park. <br />The corner shop. <br />Hopscotch. <br />Butterscotch.<br />Skipping.<br />Handstands.<br />Football with an old can.<br />Fingerbob.<br />Beano, Dandy,Buster, Twinkle and Dennis the Menace.<br />Roly Poly.<br />Hula Hoops,jumping the stream, building dams.<br />The smell of the sun and fresh cut grass.<br />Bazooka Joe bubble gum.<br />An ice cream cone on a warm summer night from the van that plays a tune.<br />Watching Saturday morning cartoons, short commercials or the flicks.<br />Children's Film Foundation, The Double Deckers, Red Hand Gang, Tomorrow's People,<br />&nbsp;Tiswas or Swapshop?, and 'Why Don't You'? - or staying up for Doctor Who.<br />When around the corner seemed far away and going into town seemed like going somewhere.&gt; &gt;&gt; &gt;Earwigs, wasps, stinging nettles and bee<br />&nbsp;stings. <br />Sticky fingers.<br />Playing Marbles. Ball bearings. Big 'uns and Little 'uns. <br />Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, and Zorro.<br />Climbing trees. <br />Making igloos out of snow banks. <br />Walking to school, no matter what the weather.<br />Running till you were out of breath, laughing so hard that your stomach hurt.<br />Jumping on the bed. Pillow fights. <br />Spinning around on roundabouts, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.&gt; &gt;Being tired from playing....remember that?&gt; &gt;&gt;<br />The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.<br />Water balloons were the ultimate weapon. <br />Football cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle. <br />Choppers and Grifters. <br />Eating raw jelly. Orange squash ice pops. Vimto and Jubbly lollies<br />Remember when...There were two types of trainers - girls and boys, and Dunlop Green Flash. </p><p>The&nbsp;only time you wore them at School was for P.E. And they were called gym shoes or if you are older - plimsoles&nbsp;</p><p>You knew everyone in your&nbsp;street and so did your parents.<br />It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best'friends.<br />You didn't sleep a wink on Christmas Eve. <br />When nobody owned a pure-bred dog. <br />When 25p was decent pocket money. <br />Curly wurlys. <br />Space Dust. Toffo's. Top Trumps. <br />When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny. <br />When nearly everyone's mum was at home when the kids got there.<br />When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing<br />&nbsp;of it.<br />When being sent to the head's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving pupil at home.</p><p>Basically, we were&nbsp;&nbsp;in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of&nbsp;drive-by shootings,&nbsp;drugs, gangs etc. Parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat and some of us are still afraid of them.<br />Didn't that feel good? Just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!<br />Remember when....Decisions were made by going 'Ip, Dip, Dog&nbsp;Sh*t'<br />'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest.<br />Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly.<br />The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was germs.<br />And the worst thing in your day was having to sit next to one. <br />It was unbelievable that 'British Bulldog 123' wasn't an Olympic event. <br />Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a catapult.<br />Nobody was prettier than Mum.<br />Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.<br />Taking drugs meant orange-flavoured chewable aspirin.<br />Ice cream was considered a basic food group <br />Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.<br />Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.<br />If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED.</p><p>&nbsp;</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/tongue-in-cheek-perhaps.html"><rss:title>Tongue in cheek perhaps?</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/tongue-in-cheek-perhaps.html</rss:link><dc:creator>Elle</dc:creator><dc:date>2007-06-18T12:05:40Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-float-left"><img style="width: 663px; height: 726px" alt="queer%20as%20folk.jpg" src="http://www.motivateme.info/storage/queer%20as%20folk.jpg" /></span></p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/a-word-from-the-governator.html"><rss:title>A word from the governator</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.motivateme.info/you-call-that-funny/a-word-from-the-governator.html</rss:link><dc:creator>Elle</dc:creator><dc:date>2007-06-17T10:31:35Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-float-left"><img style="width: 320px; height: 240px" alt="arnie-says.jpg" src="http://www.motivateme.info/storage/arnie-says.jpg" /></span></p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item></rdf:RDF>